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My playlist right now

1. Coeur de Pirate - Adieu
2. Iza Lach - Nic więcej
3. Patrick Fiori - Perdu conaissance
4. Natalia Lesz - That girl
5. Blue Cafe - Noheo
6. Andree Watters - Souvenirs
7. The Warblers - Candles
8. Nolwenn Leroy - Brest
9. Selah Sue - This world
10. Glee Cast - Ding dong, the witch is dead
11. Laura Pausini - Benvenuto
12. Gold - Capitaine abandonne
13. Marie-Eve Janvier & Jean-Francois Breau - Hereux tous les deux
14. Marilou - Tactile
15. Adele - Set fire to rain

Writer's block 9/11

Where were you?


I was less than 12 years old, starting 6th grade, we had guests in our house, my friend and her sister and their mom. They were about to go, it was an evening, my mum was about to make dinner and I turned on TV, at last, I wanted to watch Beverly Hills. But instead of Beverly Hills, there was this strange movie where there was a plane in one of Twin Towers in NYC. I knew them, my best friend is from New York state, she just sent me back then the pics of her visit in NYC. I tried to check if the programme is changed, and what's the title of the movie, but then on every channel was the same picture. and then suddenly, the second plane hit the second tower. We realised it's not the movie...
Two weeks later we were about to write an article about an event. I did a research - we didn't have internet, so I bought all the newspaper and wrote my own article about what happened, with my own words. It was then when my teacher told me that I have a talent in writing, and that I should definately write more stuff like that, and I'd make a good journalist....

Sep. 11th, 2011

you know what? it’s only me to blame for choosing. for believing in this person. for explaining this person for so many years. for calling her my friend. for crying for so many years because of her. for believing that if I am a good friend, then I will get something back.

guess what? I was fucking wrong for that many years. My mum, who saw me crying because of her not one time, was right telling me that she is not my friend. I was wrong for defending her, telling everybody that it’s our way of friendship. I was so wrong. and seeing now that I was so wrong hurts so bad. Because I lost so many years believing. 

Does friendship in real life exist at all? Because my so-call best friend who I know in real life, since kindergarten is not worth my friendship and today proved to me that for her I’m not a friend at all. I have few awesome people in my life, who I call friends, but they are not here in my place, they are so fucking far away. And I don’t know how life would look like, if they lived here.

So maybe the question isn’t if friendship exist. I guess it does. The question is : am I able to find real best friend in real life? Because right now I so am not sure about it. 

Writer's block

What are you studying or did you study in school? Is it related to what you want to do for your career?

I just graduated from Slavic Studies with Bachelor's Degree and going to get the Master's Degree in that major, and also finished first year of Religious studies at University of Gdańsk. In high school though I was in the bilingual class, with English major - history, geography and chemistry were taught not only in Polish but also in English. And I always thought that my future will be connected with that.

Even in 9th grade I passed FCE exam, which was very soon. My matura - the main exam after high school - was Proficiency level, and it went for me quite good, so I was sure that I would qualify for English philology. But after first date of results I was quite low on the list. I thought that I'd never qualify. As I know right now - if I waited for the last list, I would qualify, I'd be there. But I didn't like waiting... I still don't like. So I decided to join Slavic studies.

It was very hard during especially last two years. Check my entries back - you will see how many times I cried, how many times I wanted to give up. For many reasons. But at first I didn't want to give up, then it was a thought that I don't wanna loose a year in my life, then why the hell I started if I'm not finishing it with nothing, with even no paper. I didn't like that... SO I FINISHED THEM.

For the past year we were writing thesis - at least 40 pages paper connected with Slavic studies. I wrote about angels in the Dubravka Ugresic's book Museum of unconditional surrender. and month ago I defended it and officially graduated. 

and as Religious studies are concerned, I went there cause I always liked learning about religions.

it's hard to get a job here, and I don't know how it will look for a girl knowing Croatian and all about religions. I'd love to work as interpretor, I would love to translate books, and other stuff. But how will my future look? I guess I have to live and see... ;)

Writer's block

Do you have a best friend? How old is your friendship?



My best friend is Natalie. We have known each other since I was 5 and she was 6. 17 years. WOOOW. that's a long time, I just realised...

Anyways. she lives in US, me in Poland. we've met when she and her parents came to the holidays for her grandparents who are my neighbours. we met on the corridor lol. I swear, my mum is still laughing at it. But we were just kids and we liked each other and we talked - in Polish, she is bilingual.
then we met during every holiday, we spent a lot time together, and then we started writing to each other. In my 3rd and 4th grade my teacher was translating me her letters - she decided that she would teach me English - and I started slowly writing to her in different language.

In junior high and high school we sent to each other music, gossips, and long letters in which we were telling each other about everything :) Now we have facebook, she made me create myspace few good years ago, and we stay in touch.

Last year she was studying for a semester in Kraków. So we spent almost half a year together - texting each other, and talking on the phone, and spending weekends together.

This year we talk, spend alot of time with her grandparents, watching movies, drinking tea. I hope we still stay friends forever.

Procrastination kills me.

 For the past 3 hours I've been trying to make notes from 25-pages article about Mesopotamia for tomorrow. 
First I open pdf file - don't have a book, which costs like 65 zł. Which is a lot.
Then I realised I haven't been a long time on tumblr. Went back to page 84 on my dashboard. And checked my dash to the beggining.
Then I turned off my computer, threw the rubbish away, ate supper, washed my hair.
Read gossip magazines my mum brought.
Turned on computer again. 
Checked if there is a connection to the wireless network.
Wasn't so I tried to repair it. 
Started taking notes. 
Oh, connection is now!
So I checked twitter... no one replied.
So checked news feed on facebook. Few cool posts.
Nerve racking connection, so wrote few notes. 
After 3 hours I'm on page 7 of 25. 

Shoot me please.

...my short career in church choir.

My mum as a voice in a choir is alto. She's really good one, she started singing in a youth choir when she was a teenager, then she joined a church choir where my uncle was tenor and my grandpa bass.
When I was 5, we moved to Gdynia, for a while my mum was singing in this choir, I was going with her and choir to some events, but just for fun, or just listening. 

then, my mum started a new adventure with a choir here, with altos. those ladies were always awesome, I was a youngie, I sometimes was scared of being at home alone, when my dad was at my grandmas, so I was joining my mum. I was reading books, and listening to what they sing, knew all the texts, and music too. But always sopranos were strange to me, they were too.. divas, like they're perfect... even my 'altos' and my mum were telling that smth wasn't right then.

For a while my mum was trying to persuade me to join her. But I knew I couldn't deal with alto voice, I love to sing high notes, and I didn't want to join sopranos. But one day organist and conductor told me to join. I'm always sitting next to the piano and he hears me, so he said that I actually can join if I want. So, I joined.

Atmosphere at altos is much better than at sopranos.. They were nice, but their eyes.. like they didn't want me there. thankfully, there are younger girls too, my cousin and my friend, organist's daughter.they're both really nice. But others...

After three meetings we were singing at the mass. I came too. 
There is this one lady. she sings quite well.. she has quite good hearing. and she told me during singing, that I sang false. Well, that didn't bother me, I knew I could. ok. it bothered. a little. 

then, there were another tryouts. we sang new songs, this lady wasn't present, she went on a trip, I felt good, nobody was complaining, and conductor was hearing - he was correcting tenors, not me, not sopranos.

and now, this lady came again. and AGAIN. she told me this time I SING TOO LOUD. heelllo? I can't hear what i'm singing because YOU are screaming to my ear, I can't hear if i sound ok, and you tell me I sing too loud? LISTEN TO YOU. She said, that I probably don't hear her and my cousin, who was sitting next to me. Guess what - I was hearing you both. you, Madame, and also Emila. I just couldn't hear myself. Because tenors and basses were singing LOUD too. And now you tell me, I sing loud? Who did you hear?
By the way, would you tell it to the other people there? I guess you won't.

It was Fat Thursday yeasterday, we eat pączki (donuts).. We were about to eat them after the tryout ended. But I was so embittered, that I just left the room, my mum ran after me, cause I was crying. I was, cause I felt like I shouldn't be there. That even though conductor didn't complain, he didn't say anything about me singing too loud, she had (my dad said that she hadn't) the right to tell me that. That I'm not welcome there. I love to sing - but not that much, that the choir would ruin my nerves. 

They are about to sing for archbishop on Sunday. I was excited to sing there too - but I'm not going. and I'm not going to go to another tryout. I just.. am still wounded. I still have my pride. and I give up on that. 

Gosh! Enfin!

 I CAN SEE THIS VID!
Merci Vevo:-)

oui. i have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge crush on this guy. 

Day 19

a song from your favourite album

one of my favourite albums, Dion Chante Plamondon. because Plamondon, because Starmania, because young Celine :) vintage!

 

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