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Sep. 11th, 2011

you know what? it’s only me to blame for choosing. for believing in this person. for explaining this person for so many years. for calling her my friend. for crying for so many years because of her. for believing that if I am a good friend, then I will get something back.

guess what? I was fucking wrong for that many years. My mum, who saw me crying because of her not one time, was right telling me that she is not my friend. I was wrong for defending her, telling everybody that it’s our way of friendship. I was so wrong. and seeing now that I was so wrong hurts so bad. Because I lost so many years believing. 

Does friendship in real life exist at all? Because my so-call best friend who I know in real life, since kindergarten is not worth my friendship and today proved to me that for her I’m not a friend at all. I have few awesome people in my life, who I call friends, but they are not here in my place, they are so fucking far away. And I don’t know how life would look like, if they lived here.

So maybe the question isn’t if friendship exist. I guess it does. The question is : am I able to find real best friend in real life? Because right now I so am not sure about it. 


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 11th, 2011 10:28 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry that your friend turned out to be a douche. It always sucks when the people we trusted the most turn out to have abused our trust.

You're a lovely woman, and I know you'll find someone who deserves your trust and friendship. Sometimes the right friends are hard to find, but when you do (and often when you least expect it), they're wonderful. For now, focus on loving yourself. ♥

Best of luck!
Sep. 14th, 2011 10:39 pm (UTC)
Love, this isn't your fault. Sometimes, the people you trust turn out to betray you. And that majorly, majorly sucks. It's happened to me once or twice. But it's their fault for breaking your trust, not yours for believing in them. There's nothing wrong with having an open heart.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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