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...my short career in church choir.

My mum as a voice in a choir is alto. She's really good one, she started singing in a youth choir when she was a teenager, then she joined a church choir where my uncle was tenor and my grandpa bass.
When I was 5, we moved to Gdynia, for a while my mum was singing in this choir, I was going with her and choir to some events, but just for fun, or just listening. 

then, my mum started a new adventure with a choir here, with altos. those ladies were always awesome, I was a youngie, I sometimes was scared of being at home alone, when my dad was at my grandmas, so I was joining my mum. I was reading books, and listening to what they sing, knew all the texts, and music too. But always sopranos were strange to me, they were too.. divas, like they're perfect... even my 'altos' and my mum were telling that smth wasn't right then.

For a while my mum was trying to persuade me to join her. But I knew I couldn't deal with alto voice, I love to sing high notes, and I didn't want to join sopranos. But one day organist and conductor told me to join. I'm always sitting next to the piano and he hears me, so he said that I actually can join if I want. So, I joined.

Atmosphere at altos is much better than at sopranos.. They were nice, but their eyes.. like they didn't want me there. thankfully, there are younger girls too, my cousin and my friend, organist's daughter.they're both really nice. But others...

After three meetings we were singing at the mass. I came too. 
There is this one lady. she sings quite well.. she has quite good hearing. and she told me during singing, that I sang false. Well, that didn't bother me, I knew I could. ok. it bothered. a little. 

then, there were another tryouts. we sang new songs, this lady wasn't present, she went on a trip, I felt good, nobody was complaining, and conductor was hearing - he was correcting tenors, not me, not sopranos.

and now, this lady came again. and AGAIN. she told me this time I SING TOO LOUD. heelllo? I can't hear what i'm singing because YOU are screaming to my ear, I can't hear if i sound ok, and you tell me I sing too loud? LISTEN TO YOU. She said, that I probably don't hear her and my cousin, who was sitting next to me. Guess what - I was hearing you both. you, Madame, and also Emila. I just couldn't hear myself. Because tenors and basses were singing LOUD too. And now you tell me, I sing loud? Who did you hear?
By the way, would you tell it to the other people there? I guess you won't.

It was Fat Thursday yeasterday, we eat pączki (donuts).. We were about to eat them after the tryout ended. But I was so embittered, that I just left the room, my mum ran after me, cause I was crying. I was, cause I felt like I shouldn't be there. That even though conductor didn't complain, he didn't say anything about me singing too loud, she had (my dad said that she hadn't) the right to tell me that. That I'm not welcome there. I love to sing - but not that much, that the choir would ruin my nerves. 

They are about to sing for archbishop on Sunday. I was excited to sing there too - but I'm not going. and I'm not going to go to another tryout. I just.. am still wounded. I still have my pride. and I give up on that. 

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October 2011


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